How Is It My Fault When Two Family Members Repeat the Same Thing Over and Over Again
The relationship cycle typical of extreme narcissistic abuse generally follows a pattern. Individuals in emotionally abusive relationships experience a boundless whirlwind that includes 3 stages: idealization, devaluing, and discarding. This wheel can repeat numerous times, spinning a merry-go-circular of emotional vertigo for those caught in such relationships.
In the beginning of a romantic relationship with a person affected past narcissism, an individual may describe the initial infatuation phase as "otherworldly." The emotional high can experience similar a drug cocktail as stiff as cocaine, heroin, and ecstasy, all rolled into one noxious dose that lasts a few weeks, months, or in some cases a yr or slightly more. Targets of narcissistic abuse report feeling as if they have found their soulmate and can't believe their skilful fortune that this seductive courtesan has elevated them to soaring heights upon a pedestal. "Love bombing" is a phrase describing this phase, in which the narcissistic person may smother the target with praise, courting, intense sex, vacations, promises of a hereafter together, and designation, essentially, as the most special person ever.
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Soon the human relationship proceeds into a more comfortable rhythm. Peradventure the sex activity continues at a high intensity or it may begin to wane a bit. Gradually, the target begins to run into bright red flags that bespeak a trouble in this fantastical paradise. The person with narcissism oftentimes may brainstorm—subtly, insidiously, and covertly—to cheapen his or her meaning other. This may happen via putdowns, gaslighting, intermittently lacking emotional or physical intimacy, withdrawing amore, seductive withholding, inexplicably disappearing from contact, or blaming the target for the narcissistic person's issues (projection).
Ultimately, the person with narcissism discards his or her dating partner, who served equally a source of egotistic supply to fuel the ego of the private with narcissistic bug. When the target asks for compromise, reciprocity, empathy, integrity, honesty, and boundaries (all good for you and valid requests that people with extreme narcissistic qualities more often than not exercise not engage in), the person with narcissism may decide that the target has lost his or her luster and is tarnished—no longer the "perfect partner" to fluff the ego feathers. Inevitably, the discarding occurs when the person with narcissism either disappears or orchestrates his or her own abandonment by engaging in some grade of egregious emotional abuse. The effect is often shocking for the survivor, unclear as to how someone that he or she fell so securely in love with could throw it all away.
In nigh cases, survivors of narcissism were able to offer empathy, compassion, actuality, honesty, reciprocity, and compromise during the relationship. People with narcissistic tendencies are drawn to such empathic, deeply feeling people and know that, on some level, they personally are lacking in emotional depth and substance. By existence in a relationship with such a nurturing, loving person, the person with narcissism is able to consume that person's authentic love and extract egotistic supply. In one case fed over the class of days, weeks, or months, the person with narcissism is satiated and may grow bored with his or her partner. He or she must secure the supply of another target, unremarkably in short order.
Survivors tin heal and move forrad with the help of psychotherapy and support in narrating their story and resolving the trauma of emotional abuse. Understanding the dynamics of abuse empowers survivors to lessen any cognitive dissonance remaining as a effect of gaslighting and other emotional abuse. Armed with knowledge, survivors sympathize the relationship cycle they endured and tin movement forward with enough protective armor such that they can jump off the merry-go-round of emotional abuse and be just fine.
© Copyright 2015 GoodTherapy.org. All rights reserved. Permission to publish granted by Andrea Schneider, LCSW, Narcissism Topic Expert Correspondent
The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Whatever views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns well-nigh the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.
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Source: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/idealize-devalue-discard-the-dizzying-cycle-of-narcissism-0325154
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